Talk like a Pirate Day
by CaptainTish
Summary: I give you a new installment of Talk Like a Pirate Day. Something a little different this year. Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! COMPLETE
1. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2004

**Talk Like a Pirate Day**

**Author's Notes:** Well, today is Talk Like a Pirate Day, in case you didn't know that. If you didn't, you should go check out the web site. So, I was sitting there, working on my History paper, when the idea for this story came to me. Well, the paper is about Jeffersonian Republicanism of the 1790s – of course my mind started to wander! Anyway, hopefully this little bit of sillyness will amuse one or two of you out there. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean OR Talk Like a Pirate Day.

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Gibbs strolled across the main deck of the _Black Pearl_, humming a pirate tune. He spotted Captain Jack Sparrow at the helm and headed in that direction.

"Ahoy, Cap'n! Where be the swag? I be lookin' for some paper. Arghhh!"

Jack looked at his friend and frowned. "Mr. Gibbs, have you taken leave of your senses, man? You're talking mighty strange, far stranger than you usually do. If I were you, I'd lay off the rum, mate."

"But Cap'n! Haven't ye heard? It be the International Talk like a Pirate Day!! Arghh!"

"I see. And how would you have come to acquire this piece of information? How come I've never heard of it?"

"I heard about it from a fellow in Tortuga. He was three sheets to the wind, but he told me about this holiday. He heard about it from his cousin's daughter's friend's father's aunt. Twice removed. Arggh."

"Gibbs, in all the years I've been a pirate, I've never said 'Arghh.'"

"Aye, but today ye have to, 'cause it's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arghhh."

"Gibbs, please stop with the 'Argghhs.' Now why are you looking for paper?"

"I want to draw a map to me hidden treasure."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Gibbs, you don't have any hidden treasure."

"I don't?" Gibbs heaved a dramatic sigh. "I can't be a proper pirate without hidden treasure." He sat down and buried his face in his hands. "I'm a failure."

"Gibbs, mate. Hidden treasure is highly overrated. If your treasure is hidden, you can't spend it, savvy?"

Gibbs jumped to his feet, and looked at Jack, hopefully. "'Tis true! So, since I don't have any hidden treasure, that must mean I be the best pirate in the Spanish Main. Argghh!!!"

"No, that's where you're wrong. That would be me -- I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"That ye are, Cap'n. But ye have to talk more like a pirate! Avast! Arggh!"

"Stop saying 'Arghh'! I need some rum. Mr. Cotton! Take the wheel."

Cotton, came over, and took over the helm, his parrot squawking, "Shiver me timbers!! Shiver me timbers!"

Gibbs nodded approvingly. "The bird knows how t' talk like a pirate. 'Shiver me timbers' is a proper pirate sayin'. Arggh!!!!!!"

Walking toward the Captain's Cabin, where Jack kept his private stash of rum, the Captain shook his head. "No, no, no. Talking like a pirate is however you talk if you are, indeed, a pirate. Therefore, if you _are_ a pirate, then you already talk like a pirate. Savvy?"

Gibbs looked confused. "I need some rum."

"'Course you do. Here you go. Drink up."

Both Gibbs and Jack took a long drink. Then a look of outrage came upon Gibbs' face. "Ye scurvy bilge-rat! This ain't rum! 'Tis only water!"

Jack looked confused. "Why is the rum gone?" He strode out of the room, looking to find an answer.

He found said answer in the galley, where the entire crew was sitting around drinking, and singing "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"

Jack glared at them. "You scabrous dogs stole all me rum!"

Gibbs looked at Jack. "Stealin' rum is a mighty terr'ble offence, Cap'n. Ye should keelhaul 'em!! Arggh!"

"Sorry Cap'n," yelled out Anamaria, "but we needed the rum to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day. Have a seat, there be plenty o' rum and grog to go around. Arggh!!!!!!"

Jack's shoulder's slumped in defeat. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. He went over to Anamaria's table, and sat down. "Aye! Let's have some rum."

The crew cheered and poured him a drink. Gibbs sat down on the other side of Ana. "I knew we could get him into the spirit of things. After all, it's only once a year that Talk Like a Pirate Day comes along."

Ana nodded. "He'll be talkin' like a proper pirate after he's had a coupla pints."

Gibbs grinned. "Of course, he will. He's Captain Jack Sparrow! ARGGHHH!!!!"

Please Review!


	2. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2005

**Summary: **It's Talk Like A Pirate Day, again, you scurvy dogs! So, this year, the crew of the _Black Pearl_ pay a little visit to the Turners to get them into the spirit of things.

**Note**: In this story, I have Jack instruct Will and Elizabeth in how to talk, and specifically, how _he_ talks. I have him insist that he does not say "Ye" and "Yer" in place of "You", which if you watch the movie, you'll see is true. But when I say "Ye", I mean the pronunciation as "YEE", not just the slurring of the word "You", which _can_ be spelt "Ye". So, if any of you out there, have him saying "Ye", I'm not attacking you, because he does say "ye" – just not "yee."

**Disclaimer**: Avast! I not be stealing Pirates of the Caribbean. I see no profit in it for me! Argghhh!

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**Talk Like A Pirate Day II**

It was a peaceful Sunday afternoon in Port Royal. The sun was shining, the birds twittering, the breeze gently ruffling the palm trees, and Will and Elizabeth Turner were taking advantage of the beautiful weather by sitting on their back porch, reading and knitting, respectively, and occasionally exchanging a comment or two.

"I expect to gain, at the very least, four shillings on that new order from the garrison."

"Oh Will, that's splendid. Perhaps I shall buy a new hat."

"Did you notice the hat Mrs. Twickham was wearing this morning?"

Elizabeth giggled. "Rather resembled an overgrown parrot, did it not? My goodness, what is that noise?" She turned to look in the house, for a strange sort of squawk had issued forth at her mention of the parrot.

Will stood up. "Stay here. I'll go and investigate." He headed into the house, and stopped short, flabbergasted at the scene before him.

"Shiver me timbers! Shiver me timbers!" What looked remarkably like Mrs.Twickham's unfortunate hat taken flight swooped toward the door that Will had just come through, narrowly missing Will's head.

"Good lad! He knows how to duck, I'll give him that."

Will stared at the pirate sitting on the sofa. Or rather, make that _pirates_.

Right there, in the elegant sitting room of the Turner's small house, were three members of the crew of the _Black Pearl_. Jack Sparrow was sprawled on the sofa, feet upon the table. Anamaria was sitting next to him, looking incongruous wearing her pirate attire and sitting rather primly on the sofa, legs crossed, hands folded in her lap. Gibbs was perched on the armrest of the overstuffed chair that had been a wedding present from Governor Swann.

"Jack! What are you doing here?" This came from Elizabeth who had just entered the room behind her husband, and was standing, arms crossed, glaring at the pirates who had invaded her parlor.

"Ah, the rum burner! 'Tis a pleasure to see you again, _Miss Swann_," Jack drawled, putting emphasis on the last two words.

"It is _Mrs. Turner_ now, as you well know, having been at our wedding, and I will thank you to remove your boots from my table."

Jack did so, knowing better than to argue with her when she used that tone of voice.

"Really, Jack, it is nice to see you, but how did you get in here? And _why_ are you here?"

"As to the first question -- 'tis simple, we snuck in the front door while you two were lolling about in the back. And as for the second question -- it's Talk Like a Pirate Day, mate!"

Will and Elizabeth stared at him as if he had suddenly grown a second head.

"Better have a seat, lad, lassie," said Gibbs. "There's a bit of a story behind this."

And so, Elizabeth and Will sat down and heard a quick summary of how Gibbs had learned of this marvelous holiday last year from a drunken sailor in Tortuga, and had then introduced it to Jack and the rest of the crew of the _Black Pearl_.

"Now," Jack said, looking serious, "pirate talk is highly over-generalized and stereotyped. _I_, for instance, do not say _ye_," he stressed the word _yee_, "in place of _you_," and here he stressed _yoo_. "Although it does depend on where the word is placed within the sentence. I do slur my words, so I might occasionally say _ye_," and here he pronounced it _yeh_. "And I have never said _yer_ in place of _you_. Although I do sometimes say _yer_ in place of _your_."

Elizabeth interrupted this little lecture. "But I heard Barbossa say _ye_," she insisted, pronouncing it _yee_.

"But _I_ don't. Some pirates do, and so for the purposes of Talk like a Pirate Day,you may do so, if you choose. Second matter -- I've never uttered the word _Argghh_."

Again Elizabeth interrupted. "But Barbossa--"

"Yes, yes, he did, and you can say it if you want. But only for this day. Now, pay attention! I have also never said 'Avast'." And he shot a glare at Will, who looked rather sheepish.

"Now, let's have some examples. I might say, 'Hoist the mainsail, ye scurvy dogs!' But I would not say, 'Yer ought to have some rum.' See?"

Will looked confused, but Elizabeth was ready to argue some more, just for the sake of arguing, apparently. "But Barbossa said--"

Jack cut her off. "_Please_ stop talking about Barbossa! Now let's start drinking!"

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"_We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs! Drink up me hearties, yo ho_!"

Laughing, Elizabeth leaned rather unsteadily against Will, and said, "Arggh, I 'aven't had this much fun since...since...the last time I had rum and sang this song!"

Naturally, Will looked a little insulted at that, but Jack just grinned. "'Course not, luv! This is how you spend Talk like a Pirate Day!"

"Arrggghh!" agreed Gibbs, who really was inordinately fond of that word.

Anamaria just hiccuped.

Cotton's parrot chose that moment to make its re-entrance, and Will ducked, shouting, "Avast -- it's that hat!"

"Arrgghh!" Elizabeth threw in, nodding.

"That ain't a hat, that there is Mr. Cotton's Parrot!" explained Jack.

Looking more closely at the object in question, now perched on the kitchen table,Will and Elizabeth nodded, realizing that it was in fact an avian creature and not a piece of hideous headgear.

"What's it want?" Will wanted to know. "Arrgghh!" he added, hastily.

"It's come to fetch us back to the _Pearl_," Jack said, standing up and putting on his own, non-avian, hat. "Come, me hearties, let us take our leave now. Elizabeth -- you make a lovely pirate wench. And Will -- I told you -- you have pirate in your blood. 'Til next year, my friends."

"We'll see you before then, won't we, Jack?" Elizabeth wanted to know.

"Perhaps. But I guarantee you, next year at this time, we'll be celebratin' again. After all, what else can we do? It's Talk like a Pirate Day!"

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**Author's Note**: If you enjoyed this story even a teensy bit, please let me know! Argghh! 


	3. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2006

**Talk Like a Pirate Day III**

**Author's Note**: Arrgghhh! It's September 19, International Talk Like a Pirate Day again, ye scurvy land-lubbers! And this year is special, with the release of Dead Man's Chest. And so, I present to you TWO new chapters in celebration of the new movie and of course, International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Enjoy! And don't forget to review!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, nor did I invent Talk Like a Pirate Day. The former belongs to Disney and as for the latter, well, just Google "Talk Like a Pirate Day" and you'll see there's a whole website devoted to your pirate-talking needs!

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Former Commodore James Norrington leaned against the starboard rail of the Black Pearl and stared gloomily at the sunset. It had been two days since they had sailed from Tortuga headed off to goodness only knew where to look for the chest of Davy Jones. He snorted. Davy Jones, indeed! He was stuck with a crew of madmen. 

And one mad-_woman_, he amended as Elizabeth Swann aproached him. She was dressed scandalously as a common sailor and was developing a very unladylike tan. And the company was obviously rubbing off on her for she was becoming even more forward and precocious than she had been during the trip out from England nine years ago.

"What's wrong, James? You look upset." She leaned against the rail next to him.

He sighed. "I don't fit in here. No one will talk to me and they all look at me funny."

She looked at him askance. "Well, to start, you should take off that ridiculous wig. It's certainly seen better days."

He considered this and decided she was right. He whipped off the hairpeice and tossed it overboard. "What else?"

"Well, you talk differently from the other crew. You need to talk like a pirate."

"Hmmph. You mean dropping letters and mispronouncing words."

"No, not necessarily. Jack doesn't talk like that."

"Did I hear my name?" Captain Jack Sparrow appeared from nowhere as he often did. He joined the two ex-aristocrats at the rail and asked, "What are you saying about me, hmm? How handsome I am? How intelligent and clever? How -- "

"Shut up, Jack," Elizabeth interrupted. "We're going to teach James how to talk like a pirate."

"Wonderful! It is Talk Like a Pirate Day coming up soon, the boy ought to be prepared. Let's go have a drink."

He whirled around and headed off purposefully toward his cabin, Elizabeth scampering along after him. Heaving a deep sigh, Norrington reluctantly followed them.

When they were all seated, and supplied with copious amounts of rum, Elizabeth began the lesson. "Now, you need to say more piratey things, like "Avast, me hearties!"

Jack snorted. "Luv, you've been spending too much time around Will. I've never in my life said 'Avast'."

"Well, some pirates do."

"Not the good ones."

"Well, where did the word come from then?"

"Perhaps it came from--"

Norrington interrupted what looked to be a long, and unproductive argument about pirate etymology with a question of his own. "Why is it, _Captain_ Sparrow," (he never could say the "Captain" without the use of heavy sarcasm) he asked, "that you don't talk like a pirate?"

"Of course I talk like a pirate. I am a pirate, and therefore however I talk becomes the talk of a pirate, savvy? I've been over this before with Gibbs, and yet no one seems to get it."

"Actually, James has a point, Jack," Elizabeth chimed in. "You do have remarkably good grammar -- when you choose to, that is -- and you don't generally mispronounce words, and when you do, I get the distinct impression that it's intentional."

"All right, I confess. I am in fact, not a pirate. I am secretly the dean of Oxford University. I'm just sailing around the Caribbean looking for Davy Jones' heart, as part of a research thesis. I --"

"Enough, Jack," Elizabeth said impatiently. "We need to get back to the matter at hand. Now James. You might want to consider throwing in an "Arrgh!" every now and again."

Jack rolled his eyes.

Ignoring Jack, Elizabeth continued, "Drinking rum helps." She took a long gulp of her rum. "Once you have a couple of pints of rum in you, talking like a pirate just comes natural-like."

James protested, "But you know I can't handle my liquor! I just end up throwing up everywhere."

"And I'd rather not have that kind of mess on my ship, if you don't mind," Jack threw in.

"Fine, forget the rum -- "

"Just don't burn it!"

Elizabeth glared at Jack, and resumed her sentence, " -- you'll just have to talk like a pirate and stay sober at the same time."

"I'm not sure that's possible, luv," Jack pointed out.

"You know what? I give up! I'm not cut out to be a pirate! I can't talk like one! I don't want to be a pirate anymore." James stomped out of the capain's cabin.

Jack looked at Elizabeth. "That didn't go very well."

She sighed. "No, I'm afraid it didn't. Poor James. He seemed very distraught. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Honest men do stupid things. I get the sense that old Norrington isn't the honest man he's always pretended to be."

Back out on deck, James Norrington resumed staring out at the ocean waves and brooding. If only there were some way to get back into the Admiralty's good graces. Hmmm. Lord Beckett seemed very anxious to get ahold of this heart. The same heart they were now headed toward. Maybe... Hmmm. That just might work.

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**Author's Note**: Please review! And then continue on to Part 2 of this year's Talk Like a Pirate celebration, starring Governor Swann! 


	4. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2006 BONUS

**Talk Like a Pirate Day IV**

**Author's Note**: Here it is, another one-shot devoted to this year's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean nor Talk Like a Pirate Day. I receive profit from neither, only enjoyment!

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Governor Weatherby Swann slumped in one of the jail cells in the fort in Port Royale. He was seriously considering turning pirate, if he got out of this situation alive, that was. 

Things had gone so terribly wrong. He had been so sure that he was going to be able to get Elizabeth safely out of the Caribbean. But somehow Beckett had found out about his plan, sending Mercer down to the docks to intercept his letter. Swann was sorry that the captain had been killed. Now he was stuck in jail, he had no idea where his daughter was, and to top it all off, he had the most annoying cell-mates, scum he could never have imagined himself in the company of!

"'Ere now, Guv'ner, don' be so glum. It's Talk Like a Pirate Day, it is, and we all should be celebratin', right we should." The man speaking was a pirate, obviously, dressed in a faded red waistcoat and a black bandanna around his head.

"But we don't have no rum," said the other prisoner, also a pirate, a short man, with a peg-leg, and hoop earrings in both ears.

"_Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum_! Aye, but we can still talk like pirates, even if we can't drink like 'em. _Arrrgghhh_!" This last word was so loud and so sudden that Governor Swann winced. But he also perked up a bit at all this talk about talking like a pirate.

"Would you two gentlemen be so kind as to teach me how to talk like a pirate?"

"Arrrgh, so yer not just a lubber," said Bandanna Pirate. "We'll do our best to teach ye, but we don't have no rum, so we'll 'ave to improvise."

"Hmm, 'improvise' is an awfully big word for a pirate to use," Swann mused.

"Just 'cause we're scurvy miscreants don't mean we're stupid! Arrrgh!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything. Now, I have a question -- which is the proper word usage -- 'Arrrgh!' or 'Arrr!'?"

"Well, now that would depend on who yer talkin' to. Some pirates say 'Arrrgh!' and some say 'Arrr!' It really don't make no difference. Sorta like that mythical sea beastie -- some pronounce it 'kray-ken' and some say it 'kracken.' Either way it's still a kraken and somethin' you don't want to be be runnin' into if you want to keep livin' and breathin'."

"But 'kracken' is closer to the original Scandinavian," pointed out Peg-Leg, who Swann had begun to think had fallen asleep, but was in fact just resting his eyes for a spell.

"Arrrgh! But we're not original Scandinavians, are we? Shut up, ye filthy bilge rat! Now, Guv'ner, you should also know how to insult someone if they cross you."

Swann thought about Cutler Beckett and how he'd certainly like to tell _him_ a thing or two. "All right, then, what would I say to them?"

"Callin' a man a lubber is always real insultin' and you could always call him a bilge rat. 'Scurvy dog' is a good one, too."

"I'll be sure to keep all that in mind."

Just then, a guard approached Swann's cell. "Lord Beckett requires your presence, Mr. Swann."

"That's Governor Swann to you, you scurvy bilge-rat!" Swann exclaimed, leaving the jail with the guard, and tossing a triumphant grin back at Bandanna Pirate and Peg-Leg Pirate.

"That one would make a tolerable pirate. He just needs a bit o' practice in the talkin' part."

"_Arrrggghhh_!" Peg Leg agreed. "I wish we had some rum."

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**Author's Note**: Please review, savvy? Enjoy yer Talk Like a Pirate Day. See ye next year! 


	5. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2007

**Author's Note**: Arrrrrr! It once again be that time of year, and I give you Chapter 5 of Talk Like a Pirate Day. This one is set during At World's End, near the end of the movie.

For the proper usage (or improper usage) of the words "yer" and "ye", please see my author's notes for Chapter Two. As amazing as it may seem, I have seen fics where people have Jack saying "yer" in place of "you."

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Nor Talk Like a Pirate Day. Just playing with them.

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As the _Black Pearl_ sat at anchor off the coast of Shipwreck Island, having just dropped Elizabeth off for her night of wedded bliss with the eunuch -- that is, the Captain of the _Flying Dutchman_, Will Turner -- Jack Sparrow surveyed the deck of his beloved ship, which was now once again at sea, instead of beached in the middle of a desert. Things were once again as they should be. Except...

Barbossa. Why was he still here? And why was _he_ giving orders to _Jack's_ crew?

Jack sidled up to the poop deck, and listened.

"Arrrrghh, brace the mainsail and let go the anchor!" As the crew followed Barbossa's orders, Jack stormed up to one of the deckhands and said loudly, "You there! What are you doing?"

The sailor, known as One-Eyed Ted, who wore an eye patch even though he had perfect vision in both eyes, looked at him apologetically. "Captain --" Seeing the look on Jack's face, he quickly amended that, "Um -- _Mister_ Barbossa here was just tellin' us to make way for Tortuga."

"_I'm_ the captain, _I_ give the orders!"

Barbossa interceded. "You be wantin' to go to Tortuga, dont'cha Jack?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point..."

"Jack. Jaaaaack. I've been a captain for many years -- "

"After _mutinying_ against me and _stealing_ my ship."

"Bygones. Anyway, maybe I could give you a few pointers on captaining a ship as fine as the _Pearl_."

Jack sighed. "I think I'm going to have to shoot you again."

"Hear me out, Jack. Now, ye know what day it be, don't ye?"

"What day would it be, then, Barbossa?"

"Why, it be Talk Like a Pirate Day, Jack! Argggh!!! Ye need to talk more like a proper pirate!"

"I talk like a pirate just fine. I am a pirate, therefore whatever I say, becomes pirate talk. I've been over this with Gibbs. Speaking of Gibbs, where is he? Gibbs! It's Talk Like a Pirate Day! Break out the rum, and meet me in the galley."

Barbossa persisted on his train of thought. "Jack, back there at the Brethren Court, ye were speakin' Latin! Not a one o' them other pirates knew what ye were sayin'. It ain't proper pirate talk! That's what lost you the _Pearl_ the last time."

"It is not!"

"Is so."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Is not, and that's final." Jack swung around, changing course on his way to the galley, and went back over to One-Eyed Ted. "You! What are yer doin'?"

Ted looked at the Captain askance. "Cap'n?"

"I just wanted ter ask yer what yer doin'?"

"Jack, that's not pirate talk," Barbossa interrupted.

"Exactly! I was just demonstrating how ridiculous it would sound for Captain Jack Sparrow to speak like that! Do you think that sounds piratey? No! It sounds absurd."

"It's so annoying when you refer to yourself in the third person," Barbossa observed.

"Apologies."

"Here's the rum!" Gibbs ran up to the two captains, holding three bottles of rum. He stopped short when he saw the two captains staring each other down.

"Here, here, now what's going on? You two aren't goin' to start shootin' at each other again, are you?"

"_Captain_ Barbossa is saying that I don't speak like a proper pirate!"

"Well, he don't!" Barbossa insisted.

"Arrgh, Barbossa, I've already been over this matter with Cap'n Jack. He convinced me that he talks like a pirate right enough. Anyways, _I_ think all that really matters is how much rum you drink."

"Arrghhh, rum be good. But talkin' like a pirate be especially important on Talk Like a Pirate Day."

"Aye, that be true. And we're all here proper-speakin' pirates. What say you, Jack?"

Jack sighed and picked up the rum bottle. What else could he say? "Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"

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**Author's Note**: Please review and have a Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! 


	6. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2008

**Talk Like a Pirate Day VI**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

**Author's Note**: Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!! Please leave a review!

* * *

As Shipwreck Cove's Second Annual Talk Like a Pirate Day Celebration was about to commence, King Swann took the stage and addressed the assembled Brethren of the Coast.

"I welcome you all here to our Second Annual Talk Like a Pirate Day Celebration. From this point forward every man jack here _must_ talk like a pirate. Today we celebrate our Piratehood. There's plenty of rum for everyone, so...DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES, YO HO!"

The assembled swashbucklers cheered and commenced to drinking.

Elizabeth left the stage and approached a group that was sitting at one of the main tables. She was greeted by a "Shiver me timbers!" from Cotton's Parrot, as well as "Ahoy, Missy!" from Gibbs, and "Avast!" from Will. She sat next to Will, who put an arm around her and kissed her on the forehead. She leaned her head against his shoulder and reveled in the feel of him, solid against her. She once more reflected on how stupid it had been of them not to immediately realize that while Will was not able to set foot on _land_ but once every ten years, Shipwreck Cove was not _on_ land, as it were. Since they'd had that epiphany, Will had been visiting more and more frequently.

Swigging from a tankard of rum, Gibbs asked, "Where be the tyke?"

"Jane put him down for the night half an hour ago. And don't you be waking him up, Mr. Gibbs. I've barely had a full night's sleep in the past month."

"It's good you found a nurse to help ye with the babe. What with yer duties as King and all."

"Yes, Jane's been quite helpful. Very reliable girl. So, how's the _Pearl_?"

"Since we got 'er back from Barbossa, it's taken a bit o' work to get 'er cleaned up. Jack demanded that we put in at San Juan to get the whole ship overhauled. Cleaned up right good, stem to stern. Said he wanted to get the smell of that blasted monkey out of the timbers."

Elizabeth looked slightly uncomfortable. "Erm. I hope you all don't mind, but... Barbossa is here tonight. After all, it _is_ Talk Like a Pirate Day, and he _is_ a pirate. I just couldn't exclude him."

"Aye, and a right good pirate he is, too! Death really brought him a new perspective on life, as it were. Sure, he and Jack still squabble over the _Pearl_ and such, but I do think it's more of a friendly rivalry now, than anything else."

"And where _is_ Jack?"

Gibbs winked at them. "Oh, probably off with his girl. You'll see soon enough."

Will spoke up for the first time, having been content so far just to listen to the congenial chatting of his wife and his friends. "I don't think any of you are really talking like pirates. Except maybe Mr. Gibbs. Shouldn't we be setting an example for the rest of the men?" He motioned toward the Great Hall full of the most notorious pirates from all over the world.

Gibbs started lecturing, "Boy, Jack once told me that since we _are_ pirates, however we speak, _is_ then the way that pirates talk. So since we're all pirates here, we _are_ talkin' like pirates. As long as we throw in an "Argghh!" here and there, we should be all right."

"Arrrghhhh!!" Elizabeth agreed.

"Well, technically, I'm not a pirate," Will said, "since the _Flying Dutchman_ doesn't actually do any real pirating, per se."

"C'mon Will, say something piratey! Just to get into the spirit of things, like!"

"Oh fine. Avast!"

Everyone sighed and rolled their eyes. Poor Will had never really got the hang of Pirate Talk.

"Well, isn't this a motley crew!"

Everyone turned, and there were exclamations of "Jack!" and "Finally!" and "Where've you been, you old dog?"

Jack grinned. "Just catching up on old times with--" He looked around, and called out, "Ana! Where are ye, darlin'?

Anamaria came walking up with an arm around Murtogg and towing Mullroy along as well. "Look who I found!" she beamed.

There was more clamor and exclaiming. "Anamaria!" and "Where've you been keeping yerself, lass?" "It's been years since we last saw you."

Anamaria sat down next to Jack, and Murtogg and Mullroy took seats at the end of the table. "I finally got me ship. Named 'er _Enterprise_. Been trading all up and down the South American coast. I would've been there for the Battle of the Maelstrom, but a strange thing happened. We got caught in a storm, and ended up in a very strange land, where people could disappear into thin air, and travel to the stars, and one bloke had pointy ears! Anyway, we were trapped there for a while, until they could figure a way to send us back. By then, all the excitement was over, so we figured no point to sailing all the way to Shipwreck Cove, when there was pirating to be done."

Meanwhile, Jack was eyeing Murtogg and Mullroy with suspicion. "You look somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, we used to be in the Royal Navy," said Mullroy.

"Shiver me timbers!!" shouted Murtogg.

"Sorry, I can't get him to stop saying that. We were guarding Davy Jones' heart, and after you took it, Captain Sparrow, well, we figured there was really no reason to stick around, so we deserted."

"Shiver me timbers!!" agreed Murtogg.

"Shut up! Mullroy growled.

Elizabeth was looking around. "Where is Barbossa? I haven't seen him yet."

Jack glowered slightly. "Barbossa? Don't tell me he's here."

"I saw him heading towards the docks about ten minutes ago," Murtogg offered.

"Shiver me timbers!!" Mullroy added.

"Not good!" Jack stood up. "I'd best go nip this in the bud. If he steals my ship again, I'll lose ten shillings to Mr. Gibbs here."

"My lady," he bowed to Anamaria. "My liege," he bowed to Elizabeth. "Fellow Brethren. I'm going to go rescue my ship, which shouldn't take too long. Do _not_ drink all the rum while I'm gone."

"Shiver me timbers!" Mullroy agreed.

"Arggghhh!!" Elizabeth cheered him on.

"Should we go help him?" Will wondered.

"Nah, this is the fifth time this week Barbossa's tried this. I would've thought he'd give it a rest today at least, but I reckon you just can't let those two be in the same port without one of 'em tryin' to steal somethin' off'n the other."

"Well, only one thing to do while we wait for Jack to get back." Elizabeth lifted the rum bottle, with a mischievous smile. "Rum, anyone?"


	7. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009

**Talk Like a Pirate Day VII**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

**Author's Notes**: This chapter is dedicated to **QueenofSparrabeth** for giving me the kick in the pants I needed to actually post this chapter. :)

* * *

Captain Jack Sparrow strolled through the streets of Tortuga, whistling his favorite song. He was feeling rather out of sorts, and he was hoping it would cheer him up.

He thought maybe his bad mood stemmed from the moment that morning, when he'd been stopped on the street by a fellow pirate, One Eyed Steve, who had asked him if the rumor was true that he had a teenage son who went around singing and dancing in public like some kind of nutter.

"Oi. I'm not old enough to have a teenage son!" he muttered. "And if I did, he wouldn't be some lunatic what likes to make a public spectacle of himself." He reconsidered. "Eh, well, maybe he would."

He swung through the doors of _The Faithful Bride_, and got a mug of rum before sitting down at a table in a corner. Before long, Gibbs arrived and joined him.

"Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day, Cap'n!"

Jack groaned. "Oh, I'd forgotten about that."

Gibbs remonstrated him, "No, you say '_Arrrrr, I'd forgotten about that_'."

Jack sighed. "Fine. _Arrrrr -- I'd forgotten about that_. Mister Gibbs, why do you insist on celebrating this ridiculous holiday every year. I'm getting a bit tired of it, to be honest."

"Arrrrrr, Captain! That's why ye gotta celebrate it! So that yer piratical spirit doesn't get bogged down in the stresses of everyday goings-on. Piracy ain't just another job, you know! It's a way of life! Arrrrrrr!!!"

"That's just the thing, Gibbs. Am I getting old? Perhaps I'm gettin' too old to be a proper pirate. Perhaps it's time to make room for the younger generation."

Gibbs gave him an appalled look. "Those little twerps, what think they're somethin' even though they ain't never taken a single ship or found a single treasure. Arrrrr, they don't know nothin' about bein' a pirate. It's old sea dogs like you an' me, Jack, that gotta carry on the piratin' tradition! Arrrrr."

Jack nodded. "You're right. I know you're right." He stood up suddenly. "Off we go. You have any ideas where we ought to go?"

"Arrr! Let's head for the Fountain of Youth. I heard there's somethin' about stranger tides thereabouts."

"What in the name of the Pirate King does that mean?"

"Arrrrr, no idea, Cap'n. That's just the word on the street."

"Good grief, you can't go anywhere without hearing gossip and rumors, can you? Well, let's get on with it then."

"Arrrrrrr!" Gibbs agreed.

They left the tavern, and Jack hummed to himself, "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me......"


	8. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2010

**Talk Like a Pirate Day VIII**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

**Author's Notes**: I have been in a major writing slump. But I just couldn't let Talk Like a Pirate Day go by without posting something. So, my apologies, for the lackluster of this chapter. Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

* * *

"I propose, that you, in exchange for this piece of the map to the Fountain of Youth, give me possession of _my_ ship, the _Black Pearl_." Captain Jack Sparrow stood on the bow of his dinghy, hands on hips, and gave Hector Barbossa an imperious look.

"Nay, I say ye be givin' me the map, and then I'll go off on _my_ ship, and find the Fountain o' Youth," Barbossa countered.

And then Gibbs muttered, "Aye, _there_ be a bloke what knows how to talk like a pirate."

Both Jack and Barbossa turned to him.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Oh, nothin', Cap'n, nothin' at all," Gibbs said brightly.

"Oh, no, please, do share, Mr. Gibbs," Jack said. "It's not as if we're involved in any kind of important negotiation of any sort."

"Well, Cap'n, it's just... y'know... today _is_ Talk Like a Pirate Day."

Jack almost groaned. _Not t__his_ _again!_

"What are ye talkin' about?" Barbossa demanded to know. "How can it be Talk Like a Pirate Day again already? Didn't we just celebrate that?"

"Aye, last year. One year ago, today."

"Right!" Jack said, "and _tomorrow_ will be one year since you stole the _Black Pearl_ from me! _Again__!_"

Barbossa sighed. "So, I'm assumin' we're not going to be able to get on with the parleyin' until we all have some rum, and talk like pirates for a bit?"

"Precisely," Jack agreed. "Gibbs has a tendency to be rather persistent on this issue. I've been trying to get him to give up on this for the past seven years or so, and he just won't."

"Arrrrrrr! That be right!" Gibbs growled enthusiastically.

Barbossa heaved a huge sigh. "All right then, let's get to the rum."

And so it was that another Talk Like a Pirate Day passed pleasantly for Jack Sparrow and his friends and enemies. And after several hours of drinking, Jack and Gibbs stole away with the _Pearl_, leaving a furious Hector Barbossa vowing to catch up with Jack and _his ship_, and determined that this would happen a lot sooner than next year's Talk Like a Pirate Day.


	9. Talk Like a Pirate Day 2011

**Talk Like a Pirate Day IX**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean. Or Doctor Who.

**Author's Notes:** I forgot today was Talk Like a Pirate Day. Thanks to **CaptainThetaSigma** for reminding me. Who, judging by the username, is also a Whovian, so hopefully will enjoy this installment. For those of you who aren't Who fans, sorry. But really, shame on you! You really should start watching it.

This story takes place right after the Doctor Who Series 6 episode "The Curse of the Black Spot" and right after the 4th PotC movie, "On Stranger Tides."

* * *

"So, Doctor, pirates didn't really say 'Yo ho ho'?" Amy asked, the day after their encounter with the pirates and the medical ship from the future.

"Well, no, not as such. Or rather, they did, but not as an everyday thing." The Doctor had a sheepish look on his face.

"Then, why did you greet them by saying, 'Yo ho ho'?" asked Rory.

The Doctor sighed. "Because it's _fun_! Wouldn't you rather use a _fun_ greeting than a dull one? And besides, pirates did _sometimes_ say 'Yo ho ho,'" the Doctor insisted.

"I don't know, Doctor, I think you need to prove that one to us," said Amy.

"Fine then," the Doctor punched some buttons on the console, and the TARDIS whisked them away through the time vortex, to find them some real pirates.

Captain Jack Sparrow stood at the wheel of his beloved _Black Pearl_, and contemplated how nice it was to have a day with no mermaids, fountains of youth, or villainous pirates. Just his ship, his crew and a steady wind. Just how he liked it.

"Cap'n! Arrggh! I almost forgot! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day!"

Jack glanced at the setting sun. "You just now remembered that?"

Gibbs looked rather embarrassed. "Arrghh. Well, it sort of slipped me mind. Y'know, as ye get older, the time seems to go by faster and faster. Why, seems like it was January just yesterday."

"That's true," Jack agreed. "Time does fly."

There was a strange noise coming from belowdecks. A sort of mechanical wheezing noise.

"Captain!" there came a shout from below. "There's some kind of big blue box, just appeared amidships. And we've got stowaways!"

Jack sighed. Never a peaceful day. He had Cotton take the wheel, and headed down to take a look.

Sure enough, there was a blue box, with the words 'Police Public Call Box' on it, whatever that meant, and three strangers were being held at gunpoint by his crew. They were all three strangely dressed, and had their hands up, although the one in the middle had a rather goofy grin on his face, as he looked around at the pirate crew with an expression that could only be described as delight.

When he spotted Jack he exclaimed, "You must be the captain! Yo ho ho! I'm the Doctor and these are my friends, Amy and Rory. Ahoy!"

Gibbs spoke up, next to Jack. "Arrrgh, Cap'n, he knows the proper way to speak on Talk Like a Pirate Day. And you know, it's bad luck to turn away a fellow pirate on Talk Like a Pirate Day!"

Jack gave an exasperated sigh. "Gibbs, I think you just make these things up. And look at them, they're obviously not pirates. Have you ever met a pirate named Rory?"

"Oh, I don't know, I once met a Roman named Rory," said Amy, shooting a mischievous look at Rory.

"Gentlemen, lower your weapons." Jack decided this foolishness had gone on long enough. He turned to the Doctor, who seemed to be the leader of this strange trio, although he still had that goofy grin. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. And what might you lot be doing on my ship, pray tell?"

"Captain Jack Sparrow! I have a friend named Captain Jack. Well, I'm fairly certain he's not really a Captain. And.. his name's probably not really Jack either. But he calls himself Captain Jack. And why argue with what someone wants to call himself? I'm really not one to complain, I call myself the Doctor, and well... I'm babbling again, aren't I, sorry about that." The Doctor trailed to a stop, and cleared his throat. "Anyway, we just stopped by because we were having a little argument about how pirates actually talk. I was telling them that pirates absolutely say 'Yo ho ho.' You say it all the time, am I right? Yo ho ho! Come on, guys back me up here."

"Actually-" Jack began. but Gibbs interrupted.

"Argggh!" exclaimed Gibbs, nodding. "A proper pirate always says 'Yo ho ho.' It be proper pirate talk. Arrrghh."

"Well, there you have it, then, Amy, Rory, a proper pirate always says 'Yo ho ho.' So, we'll just be off then. Have a nice day! Yo ho ho!" And with that, the strange "Doctor" pushed his friends back into the blue box, following them and slamming the door behind them. And with the strange mechanical wheezing noise again, the box disappeared.

"Arrrghhh," said Gibbs. "Did that just happen?"

"No," Jack decided. "That was a dream. A very strange dream. C'mon, Gibbs, I feel the need for some rum."

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" agreed Gibbs. "Let's go have some, then. Arrrrgh!"


End file.
